ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
