Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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