mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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