Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
