You're my little dorito
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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