Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
