Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
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