I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
