sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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