so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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