She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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