I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
