Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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