he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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