my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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