There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Still dying that you shit outside
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
