I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
