Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
