3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
