New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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