Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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