I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
