i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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