My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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