Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
