is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
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