erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
