He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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