Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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