so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
