Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
