apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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