I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
