when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
