He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
