just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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