Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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