i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
