I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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