Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
