could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
