If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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