i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
