You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
