WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
