can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink