I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
