Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
soo... how was my night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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