All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.