mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I got inside last night via doggy door
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."