Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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