Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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