Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i've created a new STD.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
