I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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