you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We need to get me chipped asap
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
