Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
