i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
