i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
operation have a gay friend backfired
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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