Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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