we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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