they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
