the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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