1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
