all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
