So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
