At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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