if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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