tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
