in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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