Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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