it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
