either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
