Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
