Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
